Exclusive peek into Winter Stout’s retirement bash
Chris White
Houston Beer Guide managed to get an exclusive invite to the retirement of one of Houston’s greats, a beer that may be departing for now, but will live forever in our hearts. Here’s a transcript of the event:
<Lawnmower taps on a pint glass>
“Can I get everyone’s attention for just a few moments? Thank you, thank you.
I want to thank you all for coming tonight. We’re here to wish our good friend and colleague Winter Stout a fond farewell and a happy retirement. Some of you newer folks … Hey! Art Car! Raspberry AF! I’m talking to you here!
Sorry…as I was saying. Some of you newer folks might not know this, but Winter Stout has been with the team since almost the very beginning. Only Amber and Mr. Brow- er, sorry, Ale, habit! – Mr. Wagger have been around longer.
So, for the benefit of you newbies, let me run through a quick summary of Winter Stout’s career with Saint Arnold:
Early on in our history, Brock Wagner and the founders knew they needed someone like Winter Stout on the seasonals team, especially for the short Houston ‘winter’. They reached out to the Kuykendahl Gran Brewers homebrew club to host a single-style competition — with the winner to join the lineup at the young brewery. And that, folks, is how the KGB’s ‘Big Batch Brew Bash’ was born. The winners that day were the Sly Bastards — yeah, Charles Vallhonrat & Steve Capo, I see you back there in the back! Holla!
Nevertheless, we found Winter Stout that day, and the rest is history.
So Winter Stout, we love you. We really do. But what retirement reception would be complete without a little roasting? And given how roasty and delicious you are, I’m sure you can appreciate this… so without further ado, I’ll hand the stage off to your best friend, Christmas Ale.”
“Thanks, Lawnmower, thanks, and thanks for always being the tap next to me every fall. Really, I appreciate it. We make a great team!
Winter Stout, I think Lawnmower said it best: We really do respect your accomplishments. We love you, we wish you weren’t calling it quits — but the real reason we’re all here is to try and figure out how you’ve made it all this time working two months a year. I mean c’mon, give up the secrets! I’d sure like to know — the Scottish bastard — that’s right, Oktoberfest I’m talking about you! — he sure wants to know and for SURE Summer Pils wants to know, since she has to work through four long months in this Texas heat and humidity! Oh, and there’s White Noise sitting right next to you … I bet you’ve told her how to work this out since she’s going to try and fill your shoes! Take it from the rest of us, White Noise: you’ve got the sweetest gig in the brewery with this job. Welcome to the seasonals team!
In all seriousness Winter Stout, we’ll miss you here at Saint Arnold. White Noise has some big, dark, delicious shoes to fill, but we wish you and your partner Kristall nothing but happiness together in retirement, and I know I speak for everyone when I say that we’d love to have you back from time to time for an encore. Thank you!”
<applause, laughter>
POST YOUR COMMENTS